If I Knew Then What I Know Now…

… I would tell myself to run far, far away.  Or not.

As of late, I have been thinking a lot about my younger self and the days of yore, wondering what I would have done differently if I’d had the chance.  I wouldn’t say that I have regrets, because I don’t.  And I am very vocal about the fact that every action and every decision I’ve made, good or bad, have contributed to the person I have become.  And that is extremely important to me.  I can’t regret who I am, anymore than I can deny it.

I’m sure there are other people in the world who would look at my situation and roll their eyes, or give dirty looks because they don’t understand or don’t approve. 

I used to care.  I really did.  It used to matter what others thought of me, to the point where I would hide little things about myself or my personality just to be accepted.  I changed my look and wardrobe.  I changed my attitude and the music I listened to.  I even tried changing my laugh.  I don’t regret having done those things because they helped me discover new things about myself and found new understanding and acceptance in just being me.

If I were going to tell Past-Sophie anything or give her any advice, I would simply tell her not to change who she was.  I wish she would have discovered who she was without having to change.  I would tell her to be confident and smart and unquestioning of her own beliefs.  I would tell her to love deeply and fully and to be loyal to those she loved and cared for.  I would tell her not to hold a grudge and to let go of feelings that would hurt her.  I would tell her to be strong while maintaining her vulnerability. 

I would tell her to smile.

It’s not that I wasn’t that way.  But I was young and naive.

And I guess that’s the purpose of statements like if I knew then what I know now…


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