…Don’t Make this Girl Responsible for Her Own Orgasm

The Big Bang Theory

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…don’t make this girl responsible for her own orgasms as well…

That is such a great line from one of my favorite shows on tv right now.  It appeared in the most recent season of Big Bang Theory wherein Leonard’s mom comes for a visit, ends up getting drunk with Penny and confessing her lack of sexlife.  Drunk words are sober thoughts when she tells Leonard to treat Penny right, and not make her be responsible for her own orgasms. 

Drunk words are sober truths.  At least in this case.

And it makes me sad to think that there are so many women out there who are responsible for their own orgasms, whether it be due to a selfish lover, lack of foreplay or the inability to orgasm with a partner at all.

I know from personal experience that it can be frustrating.  Although, and I hate to brag when I say this but, at this point in my life, I find that I am quite satifisied, and even though I can’t orgasm on command, my numbers are certainly up.  But it was not without it’s hard times.

I spent a lot of time not knowing what I wanted.  For awhile, I was there just for his pleasure.  And that was fine then.  I was young, I didn’t know any better, and I didn’t know what I was doing.  Then one day, I was with someone who had all the time in the world to let me relax, feel and experience, and DAMN!  I’m not kidding when I say it totally changed my view of sex.

The bad part to that was following that I was with an ex for 6 years, and he did not have the patience to push me along that sexual journey.  I found myself on my own, and thus was responsible for my own orgasms.

That is, until Mister and I reconnected.  And ever since then, it has just been and amazing ride.  Right now, I don’t have any desire to orgasm all. the. time.  I don’t need to.  I can appreciate sex as just sex as well as sex as a means of primal release.  And I’m fine with it both ways.  I have been told on a few different occasions that that fact that I orgasm so much is not too common

What I can offer from my own experience is a little advice to those women who have difficulties

First, just relax.  You will get there when you get there.  Sometimes the more you try to rush and force it, the less likely it is to happen.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted just a quickie, but my body doesn’t always respond to the get ‘er done attitude.  Which brings me to the second thing: listen to what your body wants.  Not everyone responds to the same things in the same way.  You will know what works and what doesn’t just by listening to what your body is telling you.  Third, it’s okay to be a little selfish when it comes to getting yourself off.  Especially when you’re with a guy, get on top, take control and see what happens.  Some guys actually like the idea of women taking the lead sometimes.

I can’t stress enough the fact that everyone is different and different things work for different people.  You just have to try, try again and see what works for you.

If I Knew Then What I Know Now…

… I would tell myself to run far, far away.  Or not.

As of late, I have been thinking a lot about my younger self and the days of yore, wondering what I would have done differently if I’d had the chance.  I wouldn’t say that I have regrets, because I don’t.  And I am very vocal about the fact that every action and every decision I’ve made, good or bad, have contributed to the person I have become.  And that is extremely important to me.  I can’t regret who I am, anymore than I can deny it.

I’m sure there are other people in the world who would look at my situation and roll their eyes, or give dirty looks because they don’t understand or don’t approve. 

I used to care.  I really did.  It used to matter what others thought of me, to the point where I would hide little things about myself or my personality just to be accepted.  I changed my look and wardrobe.  I changed my attitude and the music I listened to.  I even tried changing my laugh.  I don’t regret having done those things because they helped me discover new things about myself and found new understanding and acceptance in just being me.

If I were going to tell Past-Sophie anything or give her any advice, I would simply tell her not to change who she was.  I wish she would have discovered who she was without having to change.  I would tell her to be confident and smart and unquestioning of her own beliefs.  I would tell her to love deeply and fully and to be loyal to those she loved and cared for.  I would tell her not to hold a grudge and to let go of feelings that would hurt her.  I would tell her to be strong while maintaining her vulnerability. 

I would tell her to smile.

It’s not that I wasn’t that way.  But I was young and naive.

And I guess that’s the purpose of statements like if I knew then what I know now…